Family Time & Travel Guilt

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Another layer to our story? Vacations… while being a military family living far away from family.

Every year, our “getaways” are really just family visits. Packing up the kids, spending hundreds on travel, and coordinating around everyone’s schedules to make sure the cousins get to see each other. And while we love our family deeply, it’s hard being the ones always expected to make the trip.

We dream of taking our kids on real vacations more often. The kind that create memories for just us. Exploring new places. Sleeping in. Breathing. No guilt. No stress. Just rest.

Our “Vacations” Aren’t Really Vacations

Each year, we pack the car (or book overpriced plane tickets), haul all the kids, snacks, toys, and stress across states for what’s become our default “vacation plan” visiting family.

Don’t get us wrong, we value those connections. The cousin chaos, the laughter, the backyard barbecues. But these trips are anything but restful. They’re emotionally loaded, full of scheduling stress, and end up feeling more like another obligation than a break.

We usually come back more exhausted than when we left.

The Guilt Hits Hard

The guilt shows up in texts and phone calls:

“When are you coming back?”
“We haven’t seen the kids in so long.”
“The cousins miss each other.”

But rarely does anyone say:

“Let us come to you.”
“How can we help?”
“We know it’s a lot, thank you for making the effort.”

We understand that not everyone can travel, but we also know the weight we carry. As a military family, we’ve moved every few years. We’ve raised babies in unfamiliar places. And most of the time, we’re the ones expected to come back, no matter how far or complicated the journey.

A New Dream

As our siblings have families of their own, the cousin crew has grown, and we do cherish that. But it’s also overwhelming. Managing different parenting styles, nap schedules, and personalities… it’s a lot.

We’re not looking for less family time. Just a different kind.

We’re dreaming of beach days, mountain hikes, and quiet mornings in a cabin. Memories made because we chose to be there, not because we had to show up.

What We Could Say (And Sometimes Do)

• “We love you, but we’re tired.”
• “We need some time just for us.”
• “It’s not that we don’t want to visit, we just need rest too.”
• “Could you come to us this time?”

Setting boundaries is hard, especially when you’re the one who “moved away.” But military life doesn’t come with a choice. It comes with orders. And those orders have taken us further from home time and time again.

We’re not being selfish. We’re being honest.

Final Thoughts

Family Is Everything, But So Is Rest.

We will always value family.
We’ll keep showing up when we can.
We’ll keep loving our big, imperfect, beautiful crew.

But we’re also learning to advocate for the kind of family time that fills us up, not drains us. Because love isn’t just about being there for everyone else.

Sometimes love looks like a boundary.
Sometimes love says, “Not this time.”
And that’s okay.

FAQ: Family Time & Travel Guilt

Is it wrong to skip family visits to take a real vacation?
Not at all. Choosing rest for your immediate family isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Especially for military families who face burnout from constant relocation and obligations.

How do you deal with family guilt when you don’t visit?
Be honest and kind. Communicate your needs and set clear boundaries. Let loved ones know it’s not about rejecting them, it’s about creating space for your own family to rest and connect.

How can we balance extended family time with our own family’s needs?
Rotate years between visits and personal vacations, or invite family to visit you. Balance doesn’t always look equal, it looks intentional.