Three Weeks In and There Is a Boy

Some of the links in this post may be affiliate links, which means I may earn a commission if you decide to purchase through them. It helps support my blog so I can keep creating helpful content. Thank you for your support!

My daughter is crushing. He is crushing. He told her she is pretty. She asked why he likes her, and she asked it with the kind of confidence that comes from knowing who she is. She stands strong in herself and in her personality. I love that about her.

Our First Reaction

We were shocked. I saw a few messages they sent back and forth and I was amazed at how sweet and simple it was. Part of me felt sad and a little mad that she did not want to tell us at first. I remember how her dad always says you are never allowed to date. Ever. He says it from a place of watching his baby girl grow up. She took that to mean do not tell dad, and if I tell mom then dad will know too. That part stung, because we want to be the safe place where she can land.

She has had a crush before, but I do not think she fully felt it or even knew what to call it. Middle school is confusing. So many changes, so many feelings, and everything feels big and important. You are never really ready for them to grow up, have crushes, and smile because someone noticed them.

Who She Is

She is bold. She is strong. If I had her steady spirit and sense of self at her age I would have saved myself many meaningless crushes and tears. She wears what she wants. She has her own style. I cannot make her wear anything she does not want to, and I am learning to respect that. Strong in her shoes is how she moves through the world. I am proud of her for that.

Our Family Values

We have not given her a phone yet. It is not because we do not trust her. It is because we want to keep her safe as long as we can. I know the time will come. I also know how many terrible people are out there and how easy it is for kids to get pulled into constant screens. I love that she is a social butterfly and loves staying involved in sports. I want to protect that for as long as it makes sense.

I also respect that every family is different. Some kids truly need a phone for logistics or safety. That is okay. We can all make choices that fit our lives.

How We Are Talking About It

Here is what we are saying out loud.

• Friendship first. Groups and school settings are great places to learn how to treat one another.
• Kindness and respect every time. If it would not feel good to hear it, do not say it or send it.
• Privacy with wisdom. Secrets grow fear. Private does not mean hidden from parents.
• Our door is open. You can tell us the awkward parts. You can choose to change your mind.
• If your smile fades when you think about this person, pause and ask why.

What I Want Her To Know

• You do not have to perform to be liked.
• You are allowed to ask questions.
• You are allowed to say no and to mean it.
• You are allowed to take up space with your real personality.
• You are not in trouble for having a crush.
• You are loved whether this crush lasts a week or a year.

Boundaries

• School and activities and sports come first.
• Group settings for hangouts and adults nearby.
• Messages that we can see. Nothing that would be too embarrassing to read together.
• No pressure words. No promises about forever.
• If anything feels off, tell us and we will handle it.

A Note To The Parents

It is natural to want to say never date. It is also natural for a kid to hear do not tell. I am learning to slow down and listen. I am choosing curiosity over control. When I lead with questions, she shares more. When I lead with rules only, she closes off. We still set clear limits. We just try to do it with connection first.

What I Hope She Remembers

You are not like every other girl your age and that is a gift. You are steady. You are brave. You are strong in your shoes. The right people will see that and respect it. The wrong people will not know what to do with it, and that is okay. Keep being you.

Final Thoughts

We did not plan for a middle school crush to show up three weeks into a new school in a new state. It arrived anyway. So we will meet it with calm talk, clear boundaries, and a lot of love. I will keep cheering for the way she asks good questions and stands strong in herself. And yes, I will keep a cup of coffee close by while we figure it out together.

FAQ: Three Weeks In and There is a Boy

How do you talk to a child about a first crush
Start with curiosity and calm. Ask open questions, listen more than you speak, and keep the focus on kindness, respect, and friendship first.

What boundaries help with middle school crushes
School and activities come first, group settings for hangouts, adults nearby, messages that parents can see, and no pressure words or forever promises.

Should kids have phones for early crushes
Every family is different. If a phone is not needed yet, use shared devices and visible messaging. If a phone is needed, set clear rules and review together.

How can parents stay a safe place to share
Lead with connection before correction. Thank your child for telling you, keep your reactions steady, and remind them your door is open.

What are signs of a healthy crush
Smiles, steady school habits, respectful messages, and feelings that do not lead to hiding or fear. If the smile fades, pause and talk about why.

How do you handle messages between kids
Set the expectation that messages should be kind, simple, and something you can read together without shame. Privacy with wisdom, not secrets that grow fear.