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In a world full of Facebook posts and Instagram stories, it is easy to think a message on Facebook counts as being there. It does not. My kids do not have social media. Many young kids do not. They do not see the old photos that get shared or the captions that say happy birthday. What they remember is who called, who video called, who came to the party, who met us for birthday dinner, and who planned a small outing to celebrate them. Presence is what sticks.
What They Notice
Kids notice the voice on the phone that says I am proud of you. They notice the video call that shows a face that lights up when they share a good grade or a new goal. They notice the ones who drove across town for cake on their birthday, the grandparent who mailed a card that arrived right on time, and the friend who remembered the name of their favorite candy to surprise them with. These are the moments that build a sense of being seen and valued.
Presence Matters
A post can be sweet. It can also be easy. When you forget a birthday and hope the child will still remember you, a post does not repair the missed time. Time is the one thing we cannot get back. A message on a screen cannot replace a memory of sitting together, laughing at the same joke, or blowing out candles while you cheer.
Our Reality
We have moved more times than I can count. We have missed birthdays, holidays, school events, sport wins, and big milestones with family. That hurts. Maybe it does not hit the kids as hard in the moment, because they are busy living life. But they do notice who shows up in ways that are possible. They notice who keeps a promise to call on Friday, who schedules a visit, and who asks to see their game or recital on video. They feel the difference between a post and a presence.
My parents do not have a close relationship with my kids. That is the truth. It is also okay. We cannot force connection. The time that is gone will not return. So we choose to pour our energy into the people who value our time and show up with love. That is who we keep close.
Ways To Show Up From a Distance
Not everyone can travel. Life is full and complicated. Showing up can be simple and steady.
• Put birthdays and big events on a calendar to call
• Send a short video message or voice memo that the child can replay
• Mail a card or a small note
• Plan a FaceTime dinner where you eat together and talk about the day
• Ask a real question about their life and remember the answer next time
• Choose an experience gift you can plan for
• Keep promises. If you say you will call, call
These are small acts that teach a child I matter to you.
What We Teach Our Kids
We tell our kids that family is not only about last names. Family includes the people who show up and keep showing up. Some relatives will be close. Some will not. Both can be true. We celebrate the ones who call, visit, write, and cheer. We forgive where we can. We also protect our peace and move forward.
We will keep planning parties, short-trips, vacations, and dinners where the people who love our kids can gather. We will not chase anyone who chooses not to be present. We will spend our time on the ones who don’t choose us back.
Final Thoughts
Posts can be kind, but presence is love. My kids will grow up with many memories of people who made time for them. That is what I want for them. To know they are valued, chosen, and loved by the ones who keep showing up.
Please know this is not written to shame anyone. It is a reminder that your time and attention are what children remember. If you want to be part of their memories, reach out. Start with a call this week.me anyone. It is a reminder that a child will remember the hand that held theirs, the voice that called, and the person who sat in the bleachers at their sports games. They will remember who showed up.
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FAQ: The Ones Who Continue to Show Up for Our Kids
What do kids remember most from relatives and friends
They remember who called, who video called, who came to the party, and who made time to be with them. Presence is what sticks.
Do social media posts count as showing up
Posts can be kind, but they do not replace time together. A call, a visit, or a shared moment creates a memory a child will keep.
How can I show up from a distance
Schedule calls, send short video messages, mail cards, plan a FaceTime dinner, and ask real questions you remember next time.
What if I missed years of events how do I rebuild
Start small and be steady. Apologize if needed, make a plan, keep promises, and show up in ways that fit your life now.
How do we teach kids about family and presence
Tell them family includes the people who keep showing up. Celebrate those who call, visit, and cheer. Protect your peace with clear boundaries.
What if someone will not show up
Accept what is true, release what you cannot control, and invest in people who value your time and your children.