The Hard Days of Parenting ADHD and ODD

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This season of life has me realizing that sometimes our roles as parents and children shift in unexpected ways. The other morning, I found myself in tears for the second time that day and it was only noon. I felt completely overwhelmed. My son, who struggles with ADHD and ODD, had a rough start to day. Full blown yelling, kicking, and words that cut deeper than I ever imagined hearing from my own child.

Those moments are so hard. They do not happen every day, but when they do, it feels like my whole world is cracked wide open. I ask myself, How do I carry on with my day when I have been treated so poorly by my own child? It hurts even more knowing my husband has been on the receiving end of these outbursts too.

The hardest part is that there is no quick reset. It took me over half the day just to reach a point where I could sit down and breathe which just brought more tears.

My Daughter’s Quiet Strength

I sat outside on the porch swing, trying to carve out a moment of solitude, when my daughter came out and sat beside me. She did not ask questions. She just held me tight and whispered, I love you. She let me have my moment, no judgment, no pressure.

Later, she returned with a folded note. On the paper were the words: I love you mommy, you are the best. That note undid me in the best way.

In that moment, my daughter became the comforter. She is only eleven, yet she showed more grace and wisdom than I could put into words. She reminded me that sometimes our kids see more than we realize. Sometimes they become the ones to hold us together when we feel like falling apart.

Carrying the Weight of Motherhood

I do not like for my kids to see me at my lowest, but life does not always go as planned. The truth is, mothers carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, and there are days when it feels too heavy. On those days, it means so much to be seen and cared for, even by the smallest hands.

One day, my daughter will be in my shoes, facing her own overwhelming days of motherhood. I pray that she remembers how she helped her mama, and that she lets her children learn to see her humanity too. Our kids need to know that taking care of their mama is important. Forever.

The Hurt That Lingers

As beautiful as that moment was, I cannot ignore the other side. My son never apologized. He did not see how his words and actions hurt me. That is the wound that lingers, the piece of this puzzle that feels impossible to fix on my own. And it continues to happen again, and again.

We have an appointment with his doctor soon, and I hold onto hope that with the right support, we can find better ways forward. Because the truth is, when he is a mess, I am a mess. And that hurts more than anything.

Final Thoughts

Motherhood is not just about guiding our children, it is about surviving the hardest moments with them. It is about seeing roles shift, even if just for a moment, when your child becomes your comforter. It is about sitting in the tension of heartbreak and pride, exhaustion and gratitude.

This season may feel heavy, but I know it will not last forever. And when I look back, I hope I remember not just the tears but the strength my daughter showed, the lessons hidden in the chaos, and the reminder that love still lives here even on the hardest days.

FAQ: The Hard Days of Parenting ADHD and ODD

How do I cope after my child has an outburst?
Give yourself permission to step away if it is safe to do so. Take a few minutes to breathe, cry, or reset your emotions. It is not about pretending it did not happen—it is about giving your nervous system space to calm before reengaging.

Is it normal to feel hurt by your child’s words?
Yes. Words from our children can cut deeper than almost anything else, because they come from the people we love most. Feeling hurt does not mean you are weak—it means you are human.

What can I do when my child does not apologize?
You can model what healthy repair looks like. Over time, with the right support, your child can learn to take ownership. But in the moment, focus on grounding yourself and leaning on your support system.

How can siblings help during these moments?
Siblings sometimes see more than we realize. Allow them to show care in their own way. It can help them build empathy, while reminding you that you are not alone in this fight.

When should I seek professional help?
If outbursts are frequent, violent, or deeply impact the family dynamic, it is worth talking with a doctor or therapist. You do not have to wait until things feel unbearable—early support can bring relief for both you and your child.