The Emotional Toll of the Medical System

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Our Journey Began Early

Our son is 8 years old. He was born premature at just 28 weeks, and from the very beginning we’ve been under the care of specialists to make sure he was growing and developing as he should. Being a military family, his doctors and care teams have changed constantly. Every move meant starting over and retelling his history, filling out the same forms, and hoping the next team would see the whole picture.

Finally Getting Answers

For years we wondered if his behaviors were just “a phase.” Deep down, we knew they weren’t. Eventually, we had him tested and finally had answers: ADHD and ODD. His ADHD medications have helped him, especially in school. But at home? His ODD symptoms have been brutal.

Endless Appointments, Little Progress

We’ve tried in-person therapy once a week. We’ve tried virtual therapy once a week. We’ve trialed different medications. Weekly pediatrician appointments. We’ve sat in countless waiting rooms waiting to pour our hearts out to people who, though well-meaning, aren’t in our shoes. We’ve been on numerous waitlists. Waiting for the care and help we need.

They don’t see the meltdowns in the middle of a grocery store. They don’t see the screaming matches in the car on the way to a family outing. They don’t see the sibling fights, the harsh words, or the way our plans for a “fun family day” can unravel in seconds. They see none of it.

A Family-Wide Struggle

When one child in the family is struggling, the whole family is struggling. We live it every single day. Daily routines, vacations, family outings and quick errands can turn into chaos with yelling, hitting, throwing, and hurt feelings. Aggressions levels high.

Trying Again in a New State

Therapy has been part of our life for six months now, and so far, there’s been no real improvement. We just moved to Tennessee and started a new virtual behavioral therapy last week. It’s too soon to know if it will help. We’re holding on to hope, because hope is about all we have left.

The Part They Don’t See

The hardest part is feeling like the medical field doesn’t truly understand the emotional toll this takes. We are not just dealing with behaviors, we are dealing with the stress, the fear, the heartache, and the trauma that comes with them. We are on antidepressants and anxiety medications ourselves, just trying to stay afloat.

Holding On By a Thread

We are desperate for a “regular” happy life, and instead, we’re holding on by a thread. This season of life is exhausting. And while we’re still showing up for him, still doing the work, there’s no denying the system has let us down.

Maybe one day we’ll be able to look back and see that all the effort mattered. For now, we just take it day by day, hoping someone in the medical world will see past the charts and the notes, and see us. All of us.

FAQ: The Emotional Toll the Medical System

What is ODD and how does it affect families?
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a behavioral condition that causes frequent anger, defiance, and conflict with authority. It affects the entire family, not just the child diagnosed.

Why do military families struggle with consistent care?
Frequent relocations mean changing doctors and therapists often, requiring families to start over with new care teams and reestablish treatment plans from scratch.

Do ADHD medications help with ODD symptoms?
ADHD medications can help with focus and attention, but they often do not address the core behaviors of ODD, which require additional therapeutic approaches.

What should parents do if therapy isn’t working?
Parents can explore different therapy types, request team-based treatment plans, seek out specialists in behavioral disorders, and connect with support groups for additional strategies.