Grief Is a Process I Wasn’t Prepared For

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In May, our family experienced an unexpected loss. A beloved family member, one of the kindest, most joyful people we’ve ever known, is no longer with us. And honestly? I didn’t realize grief would feel like this.

I always thought grief came in stages, like a checklist you could get through. But it’s not neat or organized. It’s messy. It’s quiet at times, then loud and overwhelming when you least expect it. It shows up in waves. Some small, some that crash so hard they leave you breathless.

When Memories Bring It All Back

A song on the radio. A smell in the kitchen. A snack they used to love. Suddenly, you’re right back in that moment. Together. Laughing. Living. And then you remember, they’re gone.

It doesn’t feel real sometimes. It still hits me throughout the day. The ache of knowing we’ll never hear that laugh again or see the way they brightened every room just by being in it. And watching my kids feel that pain too? That’s a whole different kind of heartbreak.

Parenting Through Grief

Now I find myself wondering: How do you stay happy for your kids when your heart is shattered? How do you put on a brave face, smile through your sadness, and keep going because they need to see that everything is okay, even when you’re not?

There’s a heaviness in pretending you’re fine. You become really good at saying, “I’m okay,” when you’re anything but. You pour cereal, play games, do the bedtime routine, but inside, you’re aching. You don’t want your pain to become their burden. So you tuck it away. For them.

Grief Is Love

What I’ve come to realize is that grief isn’t just about loss, it’s about love. The deeper the love, the harder the loss. And while I find comfort in the stories, the memories, the little pieces of him that live on in all of us, the sadness still creeps in.

And maybe that’s okay. Maybe that’s how we carry them forward with our love, our tears, our stories, our memories.

To everyone grieving someone: you’re not alone. Be gentle with yourself. Grief is not something to “get over.” It’s something we carry. And some days, it’s heavier than others. Especially when you’re trying to carry it with a smile.

Family Grief Hits Everyone

Navigating work, parenting, and loss isn’t just my journey, it’s ours. The recent loss of a loved one on my husband’s side of the family has deeply affected us all. It wasn’t just his family member; it was a grandparent to our babies. They adored him. His absence has left a void we all feel in different ways.

It’s been hard on my husband, and as his partner, it’s hard to see him grieve while still trying to carry the weight of being a present father. We’re doing our best to hold each other up through this.

Loss doesn’t pause for work schedules, parenting duties, or life’s demands. But we’re walking through it together, and that matters most.

Learning to Carry Grief

There’s a pressure to “get back to normal,” but honestly, normal shifts. It bends to fit a new reality. I’ve learned to be gentler with myself. To cry when I need to. To talk about it, even if my voice cracks. To be honest with my kids when they ask hard questions, and to let them see that big feelings are okay.

Grief will always be a part of our story, but so will growth, love, and healing. If you’re walking through grief too, I hope you give yourself permission to feel it all. There’s no shame in grieving, it’s the only proof that love was real.

FAQ: Grief Is a Process I Wasn’t Prepared For

How do you cope with grief while parenting?

Coping with grief while parenting means balancing your own feelings with your children’s needs. It’s okay to show your emotions, talk honestly about loss, and remind your kids that big feelings are part of healing.

How do you support your partner through grief?

Supporting a grieving partner means offering empathy, patience, and shared strength. Small acts of care, listening without trying to fix, and simply being present can make a big difference.

Does grief ever go away?

Grief doesn’t go away, it changes over time. Some days feel heavier than others. Grief is a reflection of the love and connection that remains, and learning to carry it is part of healing.

How can I help my kids process the loss of a grandparent?

Encourage your kids to talk about their memories, share stories, and express their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to feel sad or miss their loved one. Create rituals that honor that person together.