The Struggles of the Holidays: Our Story

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Growing Up With Full House Christmases

The holidays are often described as magical, busy, and full, and in many ways they still are. I grew up in a big family where Christmas meant chaos in the best way. There were cousins everywhere, too many people in the kitchen, loud laughter, and traditions that felt permanent. Those Christmases shaped what I imagined family would always look like and what I hoped to one day give my own children.

Creating Our Own Christmas Chaos

Now I am a mom of three, and I genuinely love the little Christmas chaos we have created. The excitement leading up to the day, the early mornings, the pile of wrapping paper, and the way their faces light up never gets old. There is something really special about watching the holidays through their eyes. That joy is real, and it is something I hold onto tightly every year.

When Distance Still Hurts

But alongside that joy, there is also a quiet struggle that shows up every holiday season. After fourteen years as a military family, distance from family became normal for us. Holidays were often spent away due to duty stations and assignments, and while it was hard, it was expected. This year feels different. My husband separated from the military on September 1, 2025, and for the first time, we are not away from family because of orders. We chose to move to Tennessee when he got out, closer to some of his family, hoping it would feel like a new beginning.

The Pain of Broken Relationships

Even with that fresh start, the hurt that comes from broken relationships still finds its way in. I no longer have a healthy relationship with my parents, and they no longer have a relationship with my children. That loss is something I carry heavily, especially during the holidays. It hurts me, and it hurts my kids, even if they do not always have the words for it. Knowing that it is their loss does not erase the pain. There are moments each year when I quietly wonder what we did to deserve this, and those thoughts can be hard to silence during a season so focused on family.

Sacrifice During a Busy Season

This holiday season also came with long days and sacrifice. My husband started a new job in November with the United States Postal Service, right in the middle of the busiest time of year. His days have been long, and he missed most holiday moments, including our son’s birthday celebration. It was not easy, but it is work that will help us in the long run, and I am incredibly grateful for the dedication and stability he is building for our family.

Finding Comfort in Togetherness

Despite the challenges, there were moments of real joy and meaning. We were able to celebrate with his family here in Tennessee, and on Christmas morning, his brother surprised us with a visit. Earlier this year, they lost their father in May, and being together for their first Christmas without him was an incredible blessing. Sharing that time, remembering him, and simply being together brought comfort in a season that could have felt even heavier.

A Different Kind of Christmas Gift

Another gift this year was the timing of where we are in life. So many past Christmases ended with boxes and moving plans. New toys were barely played with before being packed up for another military move, and the joy always felt rushed. This time, we are moving locally. The kids get to enjoy their new gifts, settle into the moment, and carry that excitement with them into our new home instead of packing it away.

Holding Space for Joy and Grief

As this holiday season comes to a close, I am learning to hold space for all of it. The joy and the grief. The gratitude and the sadness. The excitement for what is coming and the longing for what used to be. The holidays do not have to be perfect to be meaningful. They can be messy and emotional and still be full of love. As we look ahead to 2026 and life in our new home, I feel hopeful for new traditions, healing, and Christmas mornings that feel a little more settled and a lot more peaceful.

FAQ: The Struggles of the Holidays: Our Story

Why are the holidays emotionally difficult for some families

The holidays often highlight relationships, traditions, and expectations. For families experiencing distance, loss, or broken relationships, the contrast between what once was and what is now can make the season emotionally heavy.

How do military families experience the holidays differently

Military families frequently spend holidays away from extended family due to duty stations, deployments, or relocations. Even after leaving military life, the emotional impact of years spent apart can linger during holiday seasons.

Is it normal to feel both joy and sadness during Christmas

Yes. Many parents feel deep joy watching their children experience the holidays while also grieving missing family members, strained relationships, or past traditions. Holding both emotions at the same time is common and valid.

How can parents create meaningful holidays without extended family nearby

Creating new traditions, focusing on immediate family, and allowing space for both celebration and grief can help. Meaningful holidays are not defined by size but by connection, intention, and presence.

Does it get easier after major life transitions like leaving the military

For many families, it does. Stability, local moves, and settling into a permanent home can bring relief and hope. While emotional healing takes time, new routines and traditions often help families feel grounded again.